Hurt Feelings in Couple Relationships: Towards Integrative Models of the Negative Effects of Hurtful Events

Abstract

Previous research suggests that hurt feelings can have powerful effects on individual and relational outcomes. This study examined a typology of hurtful events in couple relationships, together with integrative models predicting ongoing effects on victims and relationships. Participants were 224 students from introductory and third-year psychology classes, who completed open-ended and structured measures concerning an event in which a partner had hurt their feelings. By tailoring Leary et al.’s (1998) typology to the context of romantic relationships, five categories of hurtful events were proposed: active disassociation, passive disassociation, criticism, infidelity, and deception. Analyses assessing similarities and differences among the categories confirmed the utility of the typology. Structural equation modeling showed that longer-term effects on the victim were predicted by relationship anxiety and by the victim’s immediate reactions to the event (negative emotions and self-perceptions; feelings of rejection and powerlessness). In contrast, ongoing effects on the relationship were predicted by avoidance, the victim’s attributions and perceptions of offender remorse, and the victim’s own behavior. The results highlight the utility of an integrated approach to hurt, incorporating emotional, cognitive, and behavioral responses, and dimensions of attachment security.